InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You stole the sunfrom my heart"

Paxton Fine (pfine) wrote,
@ 2011-12-06 15:54:00

Current mood:	frustrated
Current music:	Wandering Through The Avenues Of Time \| Flight of the Conchords

private to Rusty.
Before you say anything, YES I know it was stupid to suddenly plan a trip with Ella.

But there are a few good reasons, and one of them is because I think spontaneity would do me some good. If I didn't go somewhere else for Christmas, I'd keep being sad here, amidst the sad memories and the judgment from Jessie's friends, even though it was a mutual feeling in the first place. It's not like I want a divorce because I want to immediately have someone else. There is no one else. I have friends, though. Am I not allowed to have any female friends? Because that's sexism.

Sorry. I don't mean to just vent here. But I don't want you to think I am just being silly. I am going to Chicago with Ella for me. She makes me forget to be sad. Should I feel bad about that?

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rustyb
2011-12-06 11:17 pm UTC (link)

Okay. So, let me lay this all out for you the way I see it, in one big judgement-free bundle:

1. I think your timing is seriously lacking in respect and grace. You decided this weekend that you were leaving your wife, and you also decided this same weekend that you were going away on a trip with someone. Spontaneity is fine. If that friend was me, it wouldn't look bad, but because it's a female friend -- a particular female friend (with whom you have had... pajama parties with, and whom I have seen in person make eyes at you), it looks bad. You might have not looked like a total douche to Jessie's friend's before, but there's probably not any going back on that now.

2. Planning a trip to Chicago is one thing, but having her announce it in her very public journal before the actual idea of the divorce is 48 hours old? It's an awful thing to do to your soon-to-be ex-wife. It's kind of disrespectful, really. It comes across as selfish and childish, and I'm pretty sure it's like twisting a knife in JJ's already broken heart. I don't blame you for wanting to get out of town for awhile -- believe me, I'm in a similar boat, and I'm not getting divorced -- but Jessie deserves more respect than that.

I'll always be on your side, and I'll always have your back, but I think you should have done things a little bit differently.

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pfine
2011-12-06 11:57 pm UTC (link)

So I should call it off and just be miserable? If I do everything according to what everyone wants, I'll go crazy. I can't be around here right now. As soon as winter break starts, I plan to be on a plane. But if I'm alone, it might not end so well. At least if I'm with a friend, I'll be able to be happy for the holidays.

It's just meant to be a trip to get our minds off of the crappy things that have been going on for us. I don't know why suddenly everyone gets the idea that I'm some unfaithful person who hops from bed to bed. Trust me, I do not want to sleep with anyone now. And, even if I did, I have restraint. She shouldn't have made that entry. But I can't be held accountable for what she does. It's not like I told her to post it.

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rustyb
2011-12-07 12:25 am UTC (link)

I'm all about you doing what you have to do to feel better, and you know that I'll help you out with anything that you need in the meantime. You know I know you better than to believe that you'd ever be that guy who needs to jump between the sheets with someone else. But forgive Jessie and her friends for their suspicions, especially after the stupid fiasco with your physical therapist. I know you better than that.

I know you need to make yourself feel better. I think you should go on that trip and do whatever it is that you need to do. Go on vacation, go with whoever you want. But don't burn all the bridges you have in this town on the way out.

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	pfine 2011-12-07 02:55 am UTC (link)
	I think I'm probably just going to say 'fuck it' and go to Pittsburgh during winter break. Are you still going there, too? Maybe we can do something together there. All of this has upset Ella too, man, and she's already had a bad time lately. I just... aaagh. :( I don't like hurting people. Ever. For any reason. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-12-07 04:56 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, I'll be going there. I can't stay for too long, but I'm going out there for the long weekend surrounding Christmas. We can go to some old haunts, freeze our asses off, and just... exist away from Heritage for awhile. It sucks that it's upset Ella. But the situation is delicate. I worried something like this would happen. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2011-12-07 05:06 am UTC (link)
	I'd like that. I think my parents would, too. I guess I'm just not meant to ever have a girl in my life. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-12-07 05:11 am UTC (link)
	I don't believe that you're not meant to have a lady. I think you need to find someone who loves Adult You. Not High School You, or College You. But the guy you've settled into now that you're an adult. (Reply to this) (Parent)