InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "el pollo loco"

Paxton Fine (pfine) wrote,
@ 2011-11-14 18:20:00

Current mood:	conflicted
Current music:	Roam \| The B-52's

034
[For Erica's, Connor's & Rusty's Eyes Only]

I'm worried that I've made a mistake. Not the little kind of mistake that you can just fix, but the huge, life-ruining kind. And I don't know what to do. I am just feeling so trapped. I don't like to talk about it. I don't even like to think about it, but it isn't helping to try and avoid it. Of course not. Why should it?

I still am uncomfortable saying it. Have you noticed? It just hurts and scares me.

Here's a good way to get into it: have you ever seen The Fox and the Hound?

[/lock]

(Post a new comment)

	rustyb 2011-11-15 12:09 am UTC (link)
	I am not a mind reader. What the hell are you trying to say, exactly? You're a teacher. Use your words. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Same Lock. pfine 2011-11-15 12:45 am UTC (link)
	I think Jessie and I are growing apart. I worry that, anyway. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-11-15 12:48 am UTC (link)
	Growing... apart? Why do you think that? She's your other best friend. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2011-11-15 12:54 am UTC (link)
	Things change. We've changed. I mean, all those years apart... I shouldn't have expected that it'd be exactly like it was. Like we were. We used to be so close and have so much fun, but now... Now we have nothing to say to each other. She looks at me and I can tell she's thinking it, too. And it makes me want to cry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-11-15 01:05 am UTC (link)
	This is usually something you figure out before you marry someone, Pax. This better not be an Ella-related excuse. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pfine
2011-11-15 04:33 am UTC (link)

I know. I know. It just seemed like everything was going well. I do love her still. But we're so different, Rusty. And I worry that she doesn't really understand or love the person I am now. It's like we're in love with our past, and that's what made things feel so right at first.

For the last time, I do not like Ella in that way! These feelings have been going on for a while now, since before I met her. They have absolutely nothing to do with her.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-11-15 04:58 am UTC (link)
	Well, you're kind of the only one who can answer those questions. Personally, I like Jessie. I think she's a great person. But that doesn't mean she's necessarily the kind of person I'd marry. This is a serious thing, you know. Not to be taken lightly. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2011-11-15 05:04 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. She is a great woman. I don't want to hurt her or crush her dreams. I don't know what to do. The seriousness is what makes me so terrified of ruining everything. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-11-15 05:05 am UTC (link)
	Some things in life are serious though, Brother. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2011-11-15 05:08 am UTC (link)
	I know. And it's then that I'm unsure of myself. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-11-15 05:10 am UTC (link)
	Now, I'm not an expert on relationships by any stretch of the word... but if it's not working for one of you, then it's probably not working for either of you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2011-11-15 05:16 am UTC (link)
	You're right. It just didn't hurt like this last time. Last time, it felt obvious and easy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-11-15 05:17 am UTC (link)
	Surely you didn't expect it to be easier the second time around? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2011-11-15 06:05 am UTC (link)
	I didn't expect there to BE a second time around. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-11-15 01:44 pm UTC (link)
	Good answer. So, what are you going to do about it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2011-11-15 04:05 pm UTC (link)
	~~Cry?~~ Find the right time to talk to her about things, I guess. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rustyb 2011-11-16 08:27 pm UTC (link)
	I think that's wise. Because you're not doing yourself any favors stewing about it. If you're thinking this much about it, I'm sure you're probably acting weird, too. She's probably noticed. (Reply to this) (Parent)