InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "This is who I am..."

Paxton Fine (pfine) wrote,
@ 2012-02-12 03:33:00

Current mood:	determined
Current music:	Everybody \| Ingrid Michaelson

039
As Valentines Day is coming up, along with my divorce being finalized (finally), I feel that it is important to say that Ella and I are dating. It's nothing dramatic. It's nothing to start flinging accusations about. We just like each other a lot and we have fun together. This time of year, it's nice to be able to say you have someone like that in your life.

Speaking of Valentines Day, how great is it about California and Washington?? As the great Graham Chapman (of Monty Python) said, "To love another human being of whatever sex is surely an admirable thing." :)

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	justella 2012-02-12 09:01 am UTC (link)
	I'm glad we did this. Major weight lifted indeed. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	pfine 2012-02-12 06:19 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. I feel kind of silly now, for waiting and worrying. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justella 2012-02-12 09:08 pm UTC (link)
	I think we made a good choice for us, babe. Definitely. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2012-02-13 12:11 am UTC (link)
	I don't really want to spend any more of my life feeling like I have to stay stuck in the past in order to make people happy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justella 2012-02-13 01:39 am UTC (link)
	Me either. Now we don't have to be shadow dwelling ninjas just to see each other. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	rustyb 2012-02-12 06:53 pm UTC (link)
	~~...Wow.~~ (Reply to this)

	jessie_jo 2012-02-12 07:30 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks for having the courtesy to tell me before anyone else. Really appreciate that. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	pfine 2012-02-12 08:16 pm UTC (link)
	Telling everyone at once makes it a level playing field. We got tired of people freaking out if we so much as smiled at each other. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jessie_jo 2012-02-12 11:34 pm UTC (link)
	No. I am still tour wife and deserve better than the equivalent of a group text. I deserve more respect than that. ~~And now I know I deserve better than you.~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2012-02-13 12:15 am UTC (link)
	I didn't want to be secretive at all. This way, you don't have to tell your friends because it's already known. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jessie_jo 2012-02-13 12:21 am UTC (link)
	I don't care about my friends knowing. How do you not comprehend that it might have been better to tell me, your supposed best friend and wife, that you're in a relationship before we even put the ink on the papers? But be sure I'm incredibly thrilled that our failure of a marriage has brought you such happiness. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pfine
2012-02-13 12:29 am UTC (link)

I care. Because every time we're "caught" spending time together, people get angry and say horrible things about Ella. And it gets old. And we just decided it. We haven't been in a relationship until now. There's no secret here.

I'm sorry that you've been hurt. It's no one's fault that it didn't work out, though. We grew up, Jessie. It's sad to grow up and change and not feel the same way anymore, but it happens all the time. I still think about the past and it makes me happy. But, you know how, when you go back to a playground you used to frequent or your old elementary school, everything's so much smaller than you remembered it?

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	jessie_jo 2012-02-13 12:39 am UTC (link)
	Nothing happened before today? So you just decided out of the blue to date? No, I'm fairly certain that wasn't the case. I'm angry at you Paxton. Angry for not bring able to honor our vows until the very end, angry that you have no respect for us. More than that I'm hurt by it and you don't seem to care. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pfine 2012-02-13 12:46 am UTC (link)
	No. We spent time together as friends and, every single time, it had to be a cause of an uproar. Heaven forbid I should find a way to be happy and escape wallowing in feeling stuck and unable to be myself. I'm angry at you for not letting me get past this. I know you're upset, but making everyone upset will not help. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jessie_jo 2012-02-13 12:53 am UTC (link)
	No. I wasn't upset that you were friends with her, it was that you announced a vacation with her a day after we decided to get divorced. It hurt and stung and I had a right. Now I'm questioning how honest you are with me because you said 100% just friends is all that you two were....guess you were wrong there. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

justella
2012-02-13 02:21 am UTC (link)

It was not a vacation. Everyone treated us deciding to get out of town like we were running off to lie on some beach somewhere and have sex every 2 seconds. We were going to go to Chicago and nerd over Ferris Bueller because we were both going through miserable times. Everyone else decided we were running off on some amazing vacation together, when were just wanting to escape and do something that might, gasp, make us happy for awhile.

Paxton and I were just friends until very very very recently. Because he's a good guy who cared about you very genuinely and who was hurt by the situation you were in, and because I, unlike everyone assumed, was not some harlot out to break you two up. But you should know better than anyone that sometimes friendships lead to more, and while I'm sorry that it hurts you?

I'm not sorry that I'm with him.

I have never, ever, wished ill for you Jessie Jo, and I never will. But I feel like you feel for a guy from the past, and he grew up. The guy he is now is the guy that I know, and they probably aren't the same. He wasn't wrong, it's just a think that happened slowly and because of circumstance.

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	jessie_jo 2012-02-13 02:27 am UTC (link)
	I feel for my FRIEND from the past. The one that would have never hurt me this way. To humiliate me in public without even thinking of just telling me such a thing. A phone call, all he had to do was CALL me about it. And he didn't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

justella
2012-02-13 02:32 am UTC (link)

Nobody was out to humiliate you in public, but you have to understand there are other sides to this situation. If he had called you, then you would have had the upper hand to control our situation. To tell all your friends who he hurt you, to spread it around and make us out to be horrible people, when we aren't. We're just people who want, and deserve, happiness. You aren't even listening to him, can you not see that? If you know him at all, then you KNOW that he didn't intend to HURT YOU but that at some point he has to look out for HIM.

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jessie_jo
2012-02-13 02:38 am UTC (link)

I didn't do that the first time around, why would I do that the second?! You made a post that all my friends could see and THEY got angry. It had nothing to do with me. Paxton should know that I wouldn't go around spreading rumors, that has never been the type of girl that I am. Never! I don't expect you to know this because you know absolutely nothing about me.

You do not get to preach to me, Ella. Not about knowing Paxton, or what he wants, or the fact that you are now dating him. I care about his happiness, he knows that I do. I just wish it didn't have to hurt me in the process.

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justella
2012-02-13 02:47 am UTC (link)

If you had bothered to actually ask and then tell your friends the situation, that wasn't their damn business to start with, it could have all been avoided the first time around. It wouldn't have been spreading a 'rumor' either if he had told you and you got all upset and told your friends. That would just be you telling our factual business, which is ours to tell. Which is what we did.

I don't get to 'preach to you' about those things? If you care about his happiness, then you won't accuse him of things. You won't accuse him of not caring about you because he didn't call you first to tell you something like this. And yes, you are throwing accusations in your saccharine way. Now I'm questioning how honest you are with me because you said 100% just friends is all that you two were....guess you were wrong there. That's an accusation, and if you know him then you know that he wouldn't have lied to you about it.

It wouldn't have mattered when it happened, you never would have been happy about it. It always would have hurt you, because a part of you is always going to feel somehow entitled, or that's how it seems. Though as you pointed out, I don't know you so maybe that's just me. It could have been in six months, and you still wouldn't be happy. Maybe you care about his happiness, but you don't like that he's actually happy, and that's what's hurting you.

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jessie_jo
2012-02-13 03:01 am UTC (link)

So you're going to tell me that I should have asked then called a gathering of all my friends and tell them that it was okay just because you two were hurting? The only world that would have happened is in some Disneyland bullshit sunshine and rainbows world.

It might be an accusation but he said nothing happened until today but you yourself said very recently. Not that I have to explain my beliefs to you. Also, my little "quote" up there is nothing but factual. He did say that and he IS wrong in said statement.

Maybe it does having something to do with the fact that he's actually happy and I'm miserable still honoring vows that we made together. Maybe I'm angry at you. Maybe I'm angry at the ENTIRE situation. Maybe I'll be the bitter ex-wife. Maybe I'll go away and you two can live in a fairytale castle and have a dozen babies and live happily ever after.

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justella
2012-02-13 03:15 am UTC (link)

Do you actually listen to anything that people tell you? I'm saying that before while you didn't actively 'spread anything' around, you also didn't tell your friends to keep out of the situation either. Would you want them meddling in the middle of your divorce the way they were meddling in our business? More than that, if this situation was reversed would you want Paxton's friends being assholes to you? No, you wouldn't, because it fucking sucks.

No, he said we didn't start having a RELATIONSHIP until now. We've been hanging out and getting to KNOW each other and learn to appreciate one another as people and we mutually decided LAST NIGHT to have a relationship. There, nosy ass. That's what you want to know, so you know it. LAST NIGHT.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that you're clinging to a marriage that is over. You are separated, the divorce is in progress, your vows are pretty much null and void. The only thing that's keeping a thread tied at all is putting some ink to some paper, so why are you still holding on so tight to something you both wanted? You can be angry at me if you want, that's fine. Fruitless, but fine. Maybe you're angry at the entire situation, but how can you be angry over a MUTUAL CHOICE you made with him?

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	jessie_jo 2012-02-13 03:27 am UTC (link)
	This conversation is done. I will not talk to you if you are going to reduce yourself to name calling. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justella 2012-02-13 03:33 am UTC (link)
	No, this conversation is done because you know it's the truth. Like I said, you're really great at dishing it out all sweetly, but just saying a shitty thing in a nice way? Doesn't make it not shitty, and now you're mad because you didn't want to hear the truth of it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jessie_jo 2012-02-13 03:36 am UTC (link)
	Yes Ella, you win again. Hurrah. Enjoy Paxton. (Reply to this) (Parent)